Martin Allanson | Professional Voice Actor for Radio Imaging & Radio

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Martin Allenson, Audiobook Reel

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September 3rd, 1939. The last minutes of peace ticking away. Father and I were watching Mother dig in our air raid shelter. She's a great little woman, said Father, and getting smaller all the time, I added. Two minutes later, a man called Chamberlain, who did Prime Minister impressions, spoke on the wireless. He said, As from eleven o'clock, we are at war with Germany. I loved the we.

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I'm Mrs Beckwith, Lord Fortescue's private secretary," she announced, shaking my hand briefly. Welcome to Wickham Hall. I've been sent to sort you out, introduce you and whatnot. Pleased to meet you, I say with a smile. Mrs Beckwith reminded me of my old English teacher, a brisk, no-nonsense woman who forbid us ever to start a sentence with but. Is Pippa? Pippa won't be in today. Possibly all week, said Mrs Beckwith, gesturing towards the staircase.

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The American handed Lamus another cup of coffee and said, Why don't you go back and sleep, sir? We can ring you if he shows up. Lamus said nothing. Just stared through the window of the checkpoint along the empty street. You can't wait forever, sir. Maybe he'll come some other time. We can have them contact the agency. You can be back here in 20 minutes. No, said Lamus. It's nearly dark.

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Martin Allenson. Children's Audiobook Reel.

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A dragon slid out, looked around, and then spoke. My dear old friend Woozie, is something the matter? Come and sit down for a chit-chatty natter. So Woozie explained that he had to solve sneezing, and spot-dotted bots, and poor toes that were freezing. He needed a spell, so Dripsy said, here, and whispered some words in his wizened old ear. A spell that the dragon had hidden away, to use on a snivelling sneeze sort of day. Thanks Dripsy, said Woozie, I'll give it a try. And he and his pig shot away through the sky.

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Okay, the Once Upon a Time Machine is ready to write our book for us. All we have to do now is decide what sort of book we want to write. A funny one, I say. Good idea, says Terry. But exactly how funny would you like it? So funny, I say. The kind of funny that if you were reading it and drinking milk at the same time, you would laugh so hard that you would snort milk out through your nose. Ha ha ha, no problem, says Terry. The funny dial on the Once Upon a Time Machine has nine settings. Not at all funny, small smile funny, full smile funny, politely funny, rudely funny, milk snortingly funny, which of course is the particular setting we will be using today, pant sweatingly funny, heart stopping funny, and of course, laughter death funny, which is not all that popular, unless of course you are a zombie postman, and why not, you know, you're dead anyway, you might as well have a good chuckle.

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Now the fat red hen with his speckled legs laid lots and lots of golden eggs. But then a cry, Oh help! Oh no! Oh dear! Those eggs began to disappear. Each morning all the eggs had gone and the old fat pig asked, What's going on? I'll find out, said the ladybird. So she flew and she flew and she saw and she heard.

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Monday, June 4th. I think I've arrived somewhere weird. I started at my new school today. I was met by this moth-eaten old geezer who said he was the headmaster. He's about 108, has one huge eyebrow and spits a lot. He said, You're so lucky to be coming to this school. I had to wipe my face down when he'd gone. I was soaked through. He kept getting my name wrong. It's pronounced Louie, sir. The thing is Louis. I didn't say anything. I was a bit scared of that eyebrow. Next, I met my form teacher, Mr Wormold. He said, I do hope you're going to be a credit to the school. I was already beginning to feel distinctly doubtful about all this as he introduced me to the class. I got all nervous. Now when I'm nervous, I start talking in an Australian accent. So I said to them, Well, goodnight you all possums. They just gaped at me in silence.

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Martin Allenson Commercial Reel

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This is Pete. Pete recently got a letter offering him a new credit card, which is odd because Pete is a dog. Why would you offer a credit card to a dog? Well, who else is gonna sit still for 18% interest? MasterCard. Making savings simple. Good boy, Pete!

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Dads, Mothers, DIY Lovers. With 25% off in store this weekend, unleash the B&Q in you.

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With five perfectly sweetened whole grains, you can't help but feel the good. Cheerios, feel the good.

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And they're off! Fun in seven days, half boarding, greet out in front, followed by luxurious Nile cruise. Short weekend in Paris, coming up on the far side with lads on holiday in Vegas also gaining ground. The natural wonders of Iceland are looking promising as is Pafos, Paxos, Porto, Madeira, Majorca and Menorca. With thousands of hotels and flights available, this really could be the biggest race of the year! Expedia.com Half Term Sale When they're gone, they're gone.

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We take water for granted. By sponsoring WaterAid you will guarantee clean safe water to those in need. To donate just £3 text AID to 88555 now. Thank you.

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Martin Allenson, Voice of Godreal

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Grosvenor Hotel. Please welcome to the stage, the chattiest of chatty men, the man with the coolest glasses in the room, it's your host for this evening, it's Mr. Alan Carr!

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Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please. The secret after party is now open. It's time to get your groove on.

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Well, it's been a fantastic year for the Berkeley Group, and a busy night for Managing Director Rob Perrins, who picks up their third award of the evening. This year, the company has sustained 16,000 jobs and generated £2.6 billion of economic activity in the UK, all whilst achieving a 98% customer satisfaction rating. Congratulations to the whole team!

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Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you've had a marvellous evening. On behalf of everybody from Wix UK, thank you and good night.

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Martin Allenson, explainer videos.

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Spreading all over the world is a simple charitable idea, enabling coffee lovers to pass on our coffee smile to those in need. So how does it work?

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Marketing is about this. Customers. You have to find customers. You have to get them to buy. And you have to keep them coming back.

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Here at JR Recruitment, we're proud to be the fastest growing property recruitment agency in London. But we're most proud of what's behind our success, and that is our commitment to matching the very best talent with business requirements in your area.

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Tim is happy. He's just fitted new tyres to his car without going anywhere. How did he do it? He simply went to tyresonthedrive.com, entered the reg number of his car, got a quote, reserved a slot, and one of our highly experienced technicians, Tom, was driving to his house 24 hours later.

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Martin Allensen. Gaming.

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Is that it? I guess so. Well, sure could do with a light dusting. Let's just stick to the task at hand, shall we? Do you think there's anyone here? My guess is they heard you singing in the car about ten mile away. They're long gone. Ah, well that's a shame. I was looking forward to a wee catch up. So what now? We wait. Huh? We wait. Aye? Why? For further instructions. Did the boss no think of telling you all the instructions before we left? One step at a time. We have an old saying in Scotland, the stupid worm gets shot in the face. Quiet. I think it's something like that. Shh! And I got lost a wee bit through the generations I guess, but... Hey! Shut up! There's someone there.

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A life full of toil and strife, we Wailermen undergo. Rollin' down... Oh, what are we here? You look a little worse for wear, my friend. You must be on quite the journey. I would steer clear of here if I were you. Times are changing. You'd fetch quite a bounty, eh, lads? Away with you! We're homeward bound from the Arctic ground, Rollin' down to Old Mountain...

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I remember a time before they emerged. We denied them their chance for control by destroying our own civilization. We will win this war. We have to.

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Who is this? Do you know what time it is? Slow down. Slow down. Frank? Frank, I can't... You hit someone. Is that what you're telling me? Oh, God. Are you drunk? Where is he now? You didn't. Oh, Frank, please, no. Tell me you didn't. You realize that... All right. Look, I need you to move swiftly. The cops work hidden run cases fast and hard. Make your way uptown. I'll send you the coordinates. I'll have someone meet you there. Hey, Frank, this is the last time.

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Martin Allenson, IVR.

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You're through to Network Homes. Got a problem with your heating? Then press 1. To report a repair, it's 2.

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Thanks for calling Capital One. We're here to help, so if you're worried about your payments, just stay there and I'll put you through to one of the team. Or for more options, press the star key.

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Unfortunately, our offices are now closed, so why not visit us online at www.labcold.com

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This is Pete. Pete recently got a letter offering him a new credit card. Which is odd because Pete is a dog. Why would you offer a credit card to a dog?

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Dads, Mothers, DIY Lovers. With 25% off in store this weekend, unleash the B&Q in you.

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Spreading all over the world is a simple charitable idea, enabling coffee lovers to pass on our coffee smile to those in need. So how does it work?

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Over one-third of our planet is frozen, and yet the icy worlds of the Arctic and Antarctic are as ancient to most of us as the surface of another planet.

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My dear old friend Woozie, is something the matter? Come and sit down for a chit-chatty natter. So Woozie explained that he had to solve sneezing, and spot-dotted bots, and poor toes that were freezing. Thanks, Tripsy, said Woozie. I'll give it a try. And he and his pig shot away through the sky.

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Martin Allenson, Narrative Reel

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Just as Einstein changed the way we understand time and space, and Freud changed the way we understand the workings of the human psyche, Charles Darwin forever changed the way we look at natural forms. The year was 1967, and the astronauts of Apollo 16 were going to the Moon. Charlie Duke, lunar module pilot on Apollo 16, captained this amazing little capsule that went by the callsign Casper. It was the heart of an immense system of rocket engineering that got the astronauts safely to the Moon and back.

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Over one third of our planet is frozen, and yet the icy worlds of the Arctic and Antarctic are as ancient to most of us as the surface of another planet. Antarctica is still locked in ice and surrounded by a frozen ocean. Nonetheless, there are signs of spring. The sun is absent for up to half a year in the polar regions. When it returns, its warmth will transform this magical ice world. The greatest seasonal change on our planet is now underway. Over the coming months, the few parts of Antarctica that are ice-free will be the stage on which five million penguins will build their nest.

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Mason McQueen is leaving his home, and his job as a London cabbie, to join the Indian taxi drivers in the city of Mumbai. He'll have to get to grips with some unusual driving conditions. He'll meet the migrant workers struggling to survive in India's city of dreams before hitting the streets as a fully-fledged Mumbai cabbie. East Ender Mason has been driving a cab for six years. London's black cabs are strictly licensed. Mason spent three years studying for the knowledge, a test all cabbies must pass. But here in Mumbai, there are no rules and no regulations.

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Martin Allanson

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Welcome to the Fantasy Football 24-7 Podcast. Fantasy Football all day, every day.

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Welcome to the Teacher Nomi Talks Podcast, providing critical insight, tips and inspiration to uplift and empower you. Where we believe you make a difference, and together we can change the world, one student at a time. Now it's time to talk teaching, with your host, Chuck Poole.

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Ever wondered what happened in a certain year? Come and dive into the past and make history come alive on the Whitey Podcast. What happened in the year? With your guide, Professor Whitman.

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The war rages on and we'll keep fighting for your health to get the best tools and tactics or to join the resistance Check out nutrition maverick calm

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Sorry I'm late. Don't worry, I wouldn't start without you. So what do we have here? It looks like about two kilos of plastic explosives with a digital timer, multi-wired remote relay detonator. Two minutes, twenty-three seconds on the clock. It's very professional. Who rigs a bomb on Christmas Day? No rest for the wicked, I suppose. OK, let's open it up and see if we can't disengage the detonator manually. Two minutes left. Merry Christmas, by the way. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Pass the tools over. We've been so busy this month we haven't really gone into the spirit of things, have we? No, well, let's go for a drink in the new year. Have you got a Phillips there? Yeah, I had a little thought about that. I brought some crackers along. One minute, forty. You brought crackers to a bomb disposal? I didn't think we'd get another chance. This bomb could level a city block. Pass me the tools. Well, I thought you'd say that, so the tools necessary to disarm the bomb are in the crackers. It's a fun game. It's a fun... Have you been drinking? Ninety seconds. OK, OK. OK, right, here we go, here we go. No cheating, hold it in the right place. I am! Just pull it! Yay! Oh, you got it. You win. Where are the tools? There are no tools in here, this is just a tiny set of playing cards. Oh, well, there's a little set of screwdrivers in one of them. It says so on the box. There's also a tiny picture frame, a puzzle, a yo-yo, oh, and a pen, there's also a torch. Bagsy the torch pen! You can't bagsy the prizes! Never mind, pull another one! Well, aren't you going to put on your hat? Sixty-five seconds. No! I'm not putting on the paper bloody hat! Oh, you have to put on the hat. They don't suit me! Fine, don't worry, forty-five seconds. Thank you! Read us your joke. What? Read the joke, you have to read the joke, forty seconds. Did you hear about the two trifles that got divorced? There was a very messy custody battle. I don't get it. Thirty seconds. It's a poor play on words. Trifles, custody, cut — look, pull the other crackers quickly! I only bought the one. What? Well, I didn't think we'd have much time, I mean, there's a bomb to defuse. Fifteen seconds. So we're dead? That's it? Well, that's why I bought the crackers, I thought you needed cheering up ten seconds. We're about to die! Well, that's what I'm talking about, you seem so depressed, everybody in the office says so. Oh, God, there's so much I haven't done! I'll tell you what will cheer you up, charades. Oh, God! Oh, no, five, four, three, two, one. It didn't go off. It didn't go off! No, I defused it ten minutes ago. Then why? Maybe next year you won't forget to participate in the office secret Santa. Thank you.

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— Sbwys! — Sbwys! — Sbwys! — Sbwys! — Sbwys! — Sbwys! — Okay, thank you very much. Thanks everyone for coming tonight. It's so nice to see you all here. I really don't want to say too much. — Sorry to interrupt, but I do have to go in a minute. — Yeah, okay, well this will only take a minute. — No, of course. But has anybody asked for the bill? — I did, yeah. — Right, how are we going to do it? — Can we just split it 12 ways? — Can we just wait a minute? — Of course, yeah, sorry. — Okay, so, as I was saying, it's so good to have you all here. I'm not sure when we'll be together again. — Yeah, it's just that I barely touched the wine. And if we're splitting the bill, could that be reflected? — Okay, that's fine. — Well, you had at least two glasses. — We all had roughly the same, I'd say. — Right, well, you would say that. You polished off a bottle at least. — Oh, but then I didn't have a starter, so it balances out. — Yeah, if we could just get back to— — Well, you had a dessert and I didn't, so how does that work? — Well, if we are on this, I really didn't touch the main. I just ate bread. — It's a sharing platter. You agreed to a sharing platter. — Okay, look, everyone, we can itemise the bill if people prefer. — Oh, that'll take ages. Let's just split it. — You always do this! — Do what? — You know what! — Can we all just forget about the bill for a few minutes? I really would rather— — As soon as it looks like we're going to split the bill, you start ordering stuff like it's going out of fashion. — I have something I really need to say before we— — Oh, I've got a two-for-one offer here, I think. — Look, could we all just please be quiet for— — Can anyone lend me 20 until tomorrow? — Oh, here we go! — Look, one of you is going to betray me! — Okay, look, let's just try to stay calm. We've all had a bit to drink. — Shut up, Judas!

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APPLAUSE Sorry we're late. The R.E. teacher was getting a bit preachy. Ah, yes. Mr. Philpot, he can go on a bit. He's very tightly wound for a Buddhist. LAUGHTER Anyway, Tiffany is a delightful child. Enthusiastic. Popular. Oh, that is a relief. You worry and you worry about how they're doing, don't you? Well, worry not. I mean, there's really very little else to say. Grades, results, etc. It's all good. Terrific. Oh, actually, there was one thing which did crop up. It was her sense of humour. She gets that from her father. I am something of a cult! LAUGHTER Well, if I ask her a question in class, like recently I asked who was the first man on the moon, she tends to say, my dad. Ah, yeah. I wouldn't mention it. Yes, we wondered whether this might come up. I think it's really important Tiffany has a strong role model at home, so... LAUGHTER I have, on occasion, taken credit for things I didn't technically do. LAUGHTER I see. You told your daughter you were the first man on the moon. Well, you know how it starts. They're little and you don't think much of a white lie. But then she got older and we just didn't have the heart to tell her. Well, she can't go through life thinking you're Neil Armstrong. Who? LAUGHTER The first man on the moon, if you say so. Look, I'm not going to lie to your daughter about your involvement in the moon landings. OK, while we're on the subject, there is also a small chance Tiffany also thinks I invented cheese. What? Maybe. And Google. And probiotic yoghurts. And possibly wasps. And definitely opera. Yes, definitely opera. Is there anything else I should know? Did you storm the beaches at Normandy? I may have killed Hitler. LAUGHTER And Osama bin Laden. I took the liberty of drawing you up a list. It's all there. It's addictive once you start. I told her I'm Silvio Berlusconi. LAUGHTER Martha hasn't really got the hang of it yet. LAUGHTER You can't lie to her like this. Just tell her you made a mistake. Well, I don't think she'll believe that. She's not an idiot. Well, look, if you don't tell her, then I will. And who do you think she's going to believe? A primary school teacher? Or the astronaut slash physicist slash war hero slash musical visionary slash assassin who invented cheese? LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Darren thanks for coming in. How was the journey Jenny was great. Thank you. Thank you for arranging the car That's a that's a very nice touch. Yeah, that was nothing if I can't occasionally spoil my creatives What's the world coming to got to spend all that commission on something I suppose Dear wrestle, sorry, that doesn't matter There she is my script Glad to see she got you one piece had a chance to read it. I hope mmm cover-to-cover So, what do you think? I? Think it may be one of the greatest screenplays I've ever read really Oh great. It's genre-defining Wow No, no, it's a masterpiece. That's amazing. Absolutely. It's one of the greatest screenplays I've ever read because it would appear you've written Blade Runner Blade what Blade Runner you haven't seen the film. I haven't even heard of it Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Is it well known? It is quite. Yes It's possibly one of the most famous movies of all time So directed by Ridley Scott stars Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer written by Hampton Francher and David Peeples No, nothing. Nothing. No, if I'm not mistaken, your script is identical. There isn't a single difference. I just don't get it That's amazing. I've never seen that film. It is amazing, isn't it? How do you think we should market it? I'm sorry. Well, I've written it and as I said, I've never seen the other film. I've worked very hard on this Yes, Darren. I think people are going to find it hard to believe we didn't copy the idea In fact, I say the likelihood is we'd be sued for millions if we even attempted to use it No, I will swear in any court in the land. The cruel but disenchanted terror is not based on any other work Yes, Darren. You see your title. There is an anagram of Blade Runner the director's cut Wow, indeed, you know where the door is? No, no, no, no, give me one more chance. Give me one more chance One more chance. Okay. Okay. Ah, okay Okay, an American man is running a bar in a city in Morocco during the Second World War He meets the love of his life and her new husband are on the run from the Nazis. That's the story of Casablanca Wow Okay Okay. Oh, no one more chance one more chance an American student graduates from university doesn't know what to do with his life Next he meets a girl ends up being seduced by her mother That's the graduate bugger bugger a scientist invents a revolutionary machine which enables him to travel between places in a split second But while testing the machine a fly that's the fly a group of British prisoners of war forced to build a bridge by their Japanese Captors bridge on the River Kwai an extraterrestrial befriends a small in a galaxy far far away Oh a solitary man runs a motel like a taxi driver a man raging bull a small last tango in Paris You Know where the door is, please use it. What about light of the navigator?

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Sadly, that was the last in the present series of Look How Great My House Is. If you enjoyed this program, you can catch it again in an hour on Channel 4 Plus One, an hour after that on E4, or an hour ago on E4 Minus One. To see a behind-the-scenes documentary on the making of this program, go to More 4 Plus One Squared and press the red button. For information on all of our programs here on Channel 4, More 4, E4, Film 4, Plus 4, For More, For Plus 4, For Gone, For Play, For Give, Forget, Formaldehyde, and For F*** Sake, why not visit us on our website, www.9.com. And now here on E4, it's time for the 4 o'clock news at 6.30, with Edward Paradine and the Thundercats.